Thursday, September 4, 2008

Poll: Pre-marital Sex

UPDATE: This poll ran from 9-3-08 to 9-10-08. Here are the final results.

This weeks poll is a very personal topic that has the potential to destroy lives, given certain circumstances. As a teenager, or these days even before that age, you don't really think about the future. You are only concerned with the "now."

Some people make decisions that they fully believe are the right decisions and stand by them. Others make bad decisions knowing full well that they will have negative repercussions but they don't really care.

As many of you know, I played the part of a High School peer counselor. I didn't sign up for it. I didn't work with the guidance counselor. This job just fell in my lap. One girl talked to me in class, liked the advice I had to give and told her friends.

Sometimes I would hear some terrible things about or occasionally directly from, girls that I liked. My respect for females in general dropped tremendously around that point. They were making decisions and taking actions that would have drastic effects on their future and didn't think twice about it.

To this day I wonder where those females ended up, which is what inspired this poll. Do you regret your past? Try not to think of it like "It made me who I am." Think of it like an alternate universe where everything would still be as it is. Would your spouse respect you more with a clean past? Would you feel better about yourself?


Sarah Jane said...

I used to think pre-marital sex was a better idea than waiting til the wedding night. Now that I know what I know, if I could do it over again, I'd try a lot harder to wait until my wedding night. I was a late bloomer, didn't have sex until I was almost 21 but after that I pretty much did whatever I "felt" like doing. I think marriage would be more interesting, fresh and new if I hadn't lived with my husband before we got married. We had already lived together for 2.5 years before our wedding. Now that I have grown up some, I think I disrespected us as husband and wife by allowing things to be so casual right from the start.

Iris said...

I think a world where people could wait until their wedding night is perfect.

HektikLyfe said...

>Sarah: I think many people feel the same way. Which begs the question, how in the world will our generation raise their children? What can you say? What can you do to try to get your children to comprehend the implications of a stupid decision they make as a teenager?

>Iris: That "perfect world" currently exists where people hold their wives like prisoners at home and trade them for cattle. I wonder if this is the only way it can be enforced?

HektikLyfe said...

So far 5 people are proud of pre-marital sex. I wonder what percentage above 0 are not men. :) I would be curious to know why they are "proud." Hopefully someone will speak up, even if anonymously.

ryanmortinson said...

this post reminded me of a health class I had in high school... we watched the famous "birthing" video... one of the girls in class was horrified by what she was seeing and said "I'm never having sex again." I wasn't bothered by the video, but I was shocked by her comment.

i'm 24 years old, male, and i plan to wait until i'm married before i have sex. maybe i'm old fashioned... maybe i've seen marriages torn apart because of trust issues caused by pre-marital sex... maybe i've seen really great marriages between people who have waited... maybe i want to avoid nasty diseases and unexpected children. whatever the reason, i plan to wait... and let me tell you, in this world it is not an easy thing. sex is everywhere. and the pressure to conform is strong. when i turn down an invitation for sex i usually get "what are you religious or something?" or "you're such a prude" or "you're so naive".

and despite all that, in my opinion, pre-marital sex isn't worth it. 50 years of disease free, trust filled, no skeletons in the closet, marriage IS worth the wait.

to me it is logical, and definitely not easy. i think the economic principal i studied in college fits here. delayed gratification. it always yielded more rewards in the end. so chalk me up for one vote against.

HektikLyfe said...

Bravo! I know it must take an immense amount of willpower. I think you are making the right decision.

Make sure the girl you find is as clear and clean as you though or you are in for a world of hurt.

ryanmortinson said...

don't i know it. world of hurt does not sound fun. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm single and didn't do it and am happy with my decision. Not "proud" exactly because that is what everyone's decision should be anyway. But hey to be honest with you, its not like I get invitations for sex like Ryan here anyway. I always end up being the shoulder for girls to cry on after they break up with their jocky/preppy a**hole boy friends. But I am not in the market looking for a girl friend either.

Again, I don't support pre-marital sex, but it has it's advantage as well. Like if you have done "it" before marriage, you gain the experience in that field, if you know what I mean. And you wouldn't feel nervousness or whatever the first time you do it with your partner after marriage. I'm talking from my own personal point of view, because I know I have to have an arranged marriage sometime in the distant future.

ryanmortinson said...

farhan, i definitely feel nervous about my wedding night.

but when i had my first kiss, do you know what the girl said after i kissed her? "We'll practice."

ouch... but wow did she like to practice a lot and it was fun.

so i guess i'm thinking... it might be scary, but we'll practice. :)

i also have a pretty cool dad and I think i'll ask him for pointers... my mom is happy and she's got 3 boys, so he must be doing something right. :)

West Coast Wanderlust said...

I tend to think of sex now as do most guys my age: something fun to do with someone you're attracted to...something to be cautious about but not to be scared of. I fell madly in love with my first boyfriend, and I did not have sex with him. Then, the next guy that showed relative interest in my, I hopped in the sack with. I was in college and everyone else was doing it. I figured waiting until I met the next "right" guy would make me miss out on all the fun. Then, the guy who took my virginity never called me again. I didn't have sex again until I got back with my previous boyfriend over 2 years later. I'm glad I waited back then. Now, I'm almost 25 and, although I do not just sleep with anyone, it's not as meaningful as it used to be for me.

HektikLyfe said...

>Farhan: Wow dude I had no idea you were going to have an arranged marriage! Some traditions are lost when families come to live in the United States, somehow I always guessed this would be one of them as it was with the people I call my ancestors. I don't think I have ever met anyone who has had to go through that. I would love to pick your brain about how you feel about the whole situation sometime.

>Ryan: Dude I have you beat. My first kiss the girl said, "That was gross." XD At first I thought it was me but I later discovered it was her first kiss too. I guess I thought it was gross too but I just didn't say it out loud. The way I see it now, if you think its gross, then you're probably too young.

As far as it being scary, sure it will be. Especially if it is her first time too. You might see some thinks you weren't expecting. Just read up on it first, or, if it isn't against your beliefs, watch a movie or two, just so you don't panic.

>Wanderlust: As an adult you are welcome to your independent belief of course. Whether it is healthy or not depends on the type of lifestyle you want to lead. If you never plan to marry, or marry a guy who cares about your track record, then more power to you. I have to be honest though and say I'd feel very sorry for the guy you marry if he is the emotional type. He's going to have to deal with a lot of historical baggage.

Some people don't think sexual experience is important. Having or not having it, whichever the case may be. I think history has shown however that when guys get emotionally involved, they do care where their significant other has been. Call it possessive, call it sexist or even a double standard, but it is true, can and has destroyed relationships.

Guys SHOULDN'T have a long history if they don't expect their girlfriends or wives to have it either. I don't support that double standard but that is frequently the way it is.

Its not right but it has been frequently proven to be the norm in my experience.