Monday, September 22, 2008

No Bugs on My Mug

If we're at a park, and a tiny little ant walks over my as of yet uncut/un-bitten apple, I brush it off, wipe the apple roughly maybe using a bit of water, and proceed to munch. No problem.

If a roach comes within a foot of my apple, though, Granny Smith is officially radioactive.

While it may be very likely that the ant has more germs on it than a roach does, something about a roach makes them more vile and repulsive to me. Does that make me prejudiced against roaches? I think it does. Until a roach rights activist group starts complaining, I will continue my bigot campaign against the lowly roach.

Flies are just as bad. If a fly lands on my apple and starts rubbing its disgusting stick hands in excitement for the grand meal its going to have, the apple is garbage.

Why are ants safe? Is it because they are so small that I can't see their disgusting traits? Is it because they don't have a hundred eyes looking at me? Is it because the small ones don't excrete some kind of intestinal gumbo when you smash them unlike flies and roaches?

I don't know. Ants are some of the only bugs I can smash with my hand. Everything else I am grossed out by. Yeah I have to wash my hands 4 times after smashing one but that's more my OCD than any phobia.

Of the most terrible, Potato Bugs, moths, water bugs and anything large enough for you to make eye contact with. Just that idea is pretty sickening.

Me: "Well, so I see this neighborhood is going to the dogs with the likes of you around."
Bug: "YOU! BUZZZZ! I shall fly into your eyes repeatedly and flap my disgusting see through wings in your ears until you run away with your arms flailing."

Me: "What's this I have in my hand you ask? Oh nothing, just a shoe."
Bug: "You alone have killed thousands of my brethren! I have made it my mission in life to avenge them until the day I..."
SMASH!


Yes. Bugs. I kill them.

13 comments:

Iris said...

hee hee! You should write bug comics ^__^

I can deal with one ant. I can't deal with more than one. I don't like to kill them either, though.

Roaches OMG. Thank goodness we don't have them. Water bugs on the other hand :(

Spiders are super gross no matter what size.

I am glad my hubby never kills the bugs and always "sets them free"

Valash said...

Your funny!

I'll kill any and all bugs in a second.

eizzy.k said...

I totly feel you here! an ant crawling up my leg is no big del, but a roach?! I would freak, even if its a tiny one! Theres just something "sinister and evil" about them! The fact that they can survive in the most hopless situations and can compress thier bodies and squeeze in and out of the tinest creaveses just make them creepy! Ants on the other hand are more "noble" , they're quite "intelligent and admirable" too, with thier colonies and systems...Perhps these are just pre-concieved notions, but amazing how wide spread they are...maybe that makes them okay...Ohh! I have a friend from Zimbabwe and she plays, yes plays, with roaches! She picks them up with her hands and lets them run all over her arm, just like we can sumtimes do with ants! so i guess it relly depends on you...

HektikLyfe said...

>iris: When I "set them free" I usually do it really loudly so I can't hear the sound of their crushing...err...flying bodies.

>valash: A girl who can kill any bug and a guy who's grossed out by them...how odd.

>eizzy.k:Yeah, I don't really like the ones that crunch.

Roaches are WAY up there on that list. I bet its those big reddish ones with the giant puss filled butts too! :X

Valash said...

Thank you for visiting my blog, I appreciate newcomers. The reason why I was in court is complex, so the read the older post "My Nervous Breakdown" for details.

ryanmortinson said...

bugs don't bother me when i can see them... when they just make sounds... that's when i don't like them.

i have two bug stories... the first one... there was a crazy giant spider the size of a half dollar bill... we killed it with a small propane torch... first its legs cooked off and then it shook and died... it was the most horrible bug killing i've ever taken part in.

second story. my mother hates spiders. the family was all out camping one summer... in the middle of the night my mom screams and throws something across the tent. "There was a spider!" we were all like "thanks mom for waking us up and for throwing the spider over by our heads". "you have to find it," she said. so we searched... and we found it... it was her ear plug... it had fallen out while she was sleeping and she thought it was a spider... we all had a good laugh.

HektikLyfe said...

>Ryan: That first story is terrible! I really dislike spiders. Especially the ones that click. XS Watching them burn is really gross too because sometimes they squeal.....That camping tale is a great story. I can only imagine the fear she felt. Family memories are great and it sounds like you had some adventures as a kid. Why don't you blog them? Jot them down you know for your children or nieces and nephews to read in the future?

Docteur Glamour said...

LOL I completely agree. Ants are okay if there're just a couple, but if there is, like, a mass of them or something, I twitch a bit and then reach for my trusty bug spray and ATTACK! Muahaha ... Anyways, roaches have the power to freeze me where ever I'm standing and stare in horror. *Shudder* Icky.

HektikLyfe said...

>docteur glamour: You and my wife are the same. When we had a condo many years ago you couldn't leave a tiny little crumb out for more than a few hours or you would return to a living mass of ants.

It was pretty repulsive. If you would squint you could imagine a boiling lump of chocolate from all the commotion the ants were causing. It was nightmarish.

Farhan said...

I hate bugs with a passion. Whenever I see one, I will NOT rest until I find and kill it. But at the same time, I feel bad and very guilty when squashing them. This might sound silly and a bit extreme, but when killing insects, I am often reminded of the afterlife and I worry about God asking me about each and every innocent bug (little ol' living things) I have killed. What should I tell God, then? What reply can I give to God?

There is ONE insect however that will make me scream like a little girl and make me run away until someone else kills it for me. A house centipede. Even thinking about it makes me shiver out of pure fear. They have 30 legs, scary stripes on their backs, scary tentacles and they are FAST AS HELL! And they probably bite. Yikes.

[img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a6/killswitchf/House_centipede.jpg[/img]

HektikLyfe said...

Yes. If it has more than two legs and ... pincers on its face ... I don't think it was God who created it.

I don't know. That's my excuse.

Funny you mention about the afterlife. We don't really know anything about death, or life for that matter, so I too have asked that same question. What if reincarnation is the way life works and I just smashed my great grandmother who was trying fruitlessly to communicate with me?

Ahhh the eternal questions...

I hope I come back as a bird. A clean, vegetarian one.

Farhan said...

"If it has more than two legs and pincers on its face ... I don't think it was God who created it" interesting way of looking at it.

Actually, reincarnation is a good topic. It would be interesting to know what people would like to come back as if they were reincarnated and why. It'll help in understanding eachother's personalities.

HektikLyfe said...

Just an abstract thought. Not saying I believe it. I know many people believe God created everything and that may be true, but it is interesting to wonder sometimes.

If I would like to come back as a bird...I wonder what that means. Am I conceited? Do I feel grounded? Or do I just worry too much?

Great point Farhan.