Monday, September 8, 2008

Grosser Than Gross: Public Restroom

As a kid, not being the active type, I spent many bored hours of lunch and recess finding ways to entertain myself. On the rare occasion when they would actually let me out, as I was easily distracted and would be held after class to complete my classwork, I would sit in a shady area and talk with a few peers.

On thing we used to do was play a "game" called, "Grosser than Gross."

How do you play? I'm glad you asked, but you sure won't be glad after I tell you. It held the same basic format of a Knock-Knock joke only half as long and twice as disgusting.
Victor: "Hey Adam, what's grosser than gross?"

Adam: "You mean besides your mom?"

Victor: "Don't be stupid, what's grosser than gross?"

Adam: "I don't know, what?"

Victor: "When you're eating rice, and the last one gets up and walks away."
You get a few enthusiastic "Ewwwws!" From the girls nearby and some cackles from the guys. It passed the time.

When you get older though, more experienced, you witness some things in life that leave such an impression that those childish jokes of yore pale in comparison to the human travesty that is an adult public restroom.

Have you ever seen the movie, "American Pie?". Do you recall a character "Stifler" referred to as "Shitbrick?"

"Shitbrick" was a guy that absolutely refused to use public restrooms. Well that would be me if it wasn't for the fact that I'm getting older now and waiting 9 hours until I get home to use my own private restroom just isn't feasible.

Today I reluctantly stroll into the nearest restroom, casually peeking over my shoulder to make sure people don't see me walk in. On the already disgusting toilet seat is a spot of smeared blood.

Yeah. That just ruined my day. No matter what excuse I could come up with for a spot of blood being in the men's restroom, they were all bad. Consider my appetite lost.

Any "Grosser Than Gross: Real Life Edition" stories you would like to share? Be my guest.


Iris said...

I like imagining you as a kid. ^_^
Anyhoo a spot of blood on the toilet happens about once a year in the girls bathroom. But like you said, there is no excuse for a men's restroom having that spot! EWWW! I think it's pretty disgusting when there is poop all over the toilet bowl, like there was a cherry bomb explosion in there or something. It's like, how does a booty push out and explosion!? *gag* :S

HektikLyfe said...

Yeah...unfortunately I have seen that. I usually move on to the next stall.

How about the broken toilet that doesn't get repaired? Nothing worse than chapped crap.

ryanmortinson said...

how about when your little brother uses his own poop to paint pictures on the walls of the bathroom? don't tell him i told you.


i'm not sure this counts as grosser than gross... but i was riding my motorcycle... pulled up behind a tow truck... it was towing a very messed up and burned pick up truck... i got about 5 feet from the back and that's when i saw a dirty human arm hanging out of the back. at first i thought it was a joke and I was looking for the candid camera guy... but it was so real. it had to be a dead body wrapped up in the tarps in the back of the truck and the arm came free or something. weird, gross, disturbing.

HektikLyfe said...

Poop - Awww man that's terrible. XD It is a funny memory to have though.

Arm - Yeah that can be a terrible experience. When you see things like that its like all your senses are focused on that one thing. The audio goes out and time just stops for the second.

I accidentally had a similar experience. I used to take pictures of accidents in the Los Angeles freeways because they occurred so frequently and I would commute for 2 1/2 hours each way every day. I wouldn't see the pictures until afterward. One shot I didn't realize was a fatality and the body was in the picture. I was so remorseful I immediately deleted the photograph and now I try to make sure there aren't any serious injuries before I take the picture.