Monday, October 20, 2008

Synchronized Plop Droppers

Have you ever heard how women become synchronized in their menstruations when they live together long enough? Not only does this become a potential nightmare for the guys who have to empty the trash but they have to deal with more than one PMS situation at once!

I have this theory that men, also share a cycle. This cycle also has a moon behind it all but not the same kind girls' do.

After lunch, I usually like to take a restroom break. You all know I don't like public restrooms so I pile on the tissues so I don't have to feel as if I am sharing someone's seat. There's nothing worse than feeling heat emanating from a place someone else's bare ass has been before.

Recently I have noticed that I am walking in about the same time of day as I have in the past. Odd, regularity isn't something I'm familiar with. I have also noticed that when I walk in there, the restrooms are almost ALWAYS occupied.

What does this mean to a clean freak like me? I have to wait at least a few hours so the ass pimple juice those mystery guys left behind has long since dried up. Yeah, I can't help but imagine the worst possible scenario.

Can bowel movements be synchronized? Or are they just rushed out after the weight of the days lunch is placed upon them?

I don't know the answer to this but it sure is annoying.


Farhan said...

Not sure what you're asking. Are you asking if guys can have their poop cycles synchronized so that they'd poop at the same time everyday? I think its possible. They'll just have synchronize the times that they eat at. If you eat your meals at the same time everyday, you should be ummm.. unloading at the same time everyday as well. This looks like a job for the Myth Busters, no? :P

The Logisitician said...

Your writing is a tad unusual, but it's also rather humorous. I actually enjoyed it. Interestingly, I wrote an article on parenting where I posed the same question about a license and limitations. Thought that I was the only one who thought like that.

HektikLyfe said...

>Farhan: I have odd eating habits though. I rarely if ever eat at the same time. Add to that the fact that I much all day. I don't really like to sit down and have a meal only. Throughout the day I am munching on snacks then I eat small meals. You would think that would screw up my system.

>The Logisitican: Yeah this is definitely a strange first blog for you to read. The parenting blog is more like what you will find here. Bathroom humor blogs like these I post once in a while to break the tension.

There are a lot of people who believe parenting should be regulated to a degree. Bad parents just don't realize they are bad so I think WE should all be educated. When I suggest that people seem to assume that I think of myself as excluded when I KNOW that I would probably have more to learn than your average person.

We could ALL stand to learn how to be good parents. What could it hurt?

Iris said...

Funny. I already know what the bathroom rush hours are here at work. 11:30-12 pm (releasing morning coffee)

3 pm (lunch food relief)

4:30-5 pm (before going home, #1)

Based on this, I think our synched bathroom breaks have more to do with our scheduled lunch breaks etc..

Not related to the moon :D

Farhan said...

Bathroom breaks related to the moon? LOL! Hilarious.

I don't eat my meals at fixed times either, thats why I have the urge to go to the bathroom at the most awkward and inconvenient times. We should really start eating at proper times.

HektikLyfe said...

>Iris: Strange that there ARE bathroom rush hours. It reminds me that we are walking digestion machines.

>Farhan: Either that or have the nightmarish scenario of toilets installed at our desks. X(

Carlos said...

I think someone missed the MOON joke... like getting mooned... GET IT NOW?
anyway, speaking from personal experience... I know I can get on a schedule. I've been known to do months at the same exact time. First thing in the morning. But due to my accelerated digestion... And active butterflies, I tend to visit very frequently. As for synchronization with others... I think its typical of men, who overeat at lunchtime, to have to unload the now pushed out breakfast about 30 minutes after eating lunch. Seems to be the routine at work. As for Iris' coworkers... they must empty bladders before hitting traffic. Tough to tell with females... they sit for 1 and 2.

HektikLyfe said...

...and the occasionally explosive 3!

Sarah Jane said...

I don't know the answer either but THAT'S entertainment! The trash being taken out and the pimple juice and the warm seat!!!

HektikLyfe said...

>Sarah Jane: I had a feeling you would like this one. You should give this one a look see.

J Pat said...

"become a potential nightmare"?

Trust me I have worked with synchronized women it IS a nightmare!

As far as men - we are far too sperior a gender to allow for such things. You can tell this by our "pimple juice"

J Pat said...

Obviously you can also tell by the way we spell "superior" before our first coffee of the morning.

HektikLyfe said...

>J Pat: I wasn't going to mention it but it made the post even more entertaining. ;) I work in an office so most of the people are female. I'm so glad we don't share restrooms!