Friday, February 18, 2011

Friend List

This will be a short one.  The only type I have time for anymore unfortunately.

I’ve never been the social sort.  I don’t make friends easily.  I think I am accepting of people and acknowledge that I don’t need to and shouldn’t need to be in order to be social.  So it isn’t that I feel I am going out of my way to be pleasant.  I just don’t attack people for their beliefs or lifestyle.

I lose friends quickly.  Quicker than I can make them unfortunately so I can honestly say that I don’t have a lot of people I can use the term “friend” to describe them.  A “friend” to me is someone you miss and long to see.  Not someone you talk to once in a while or contact only when you need help.

I only long for and miss my immediately family.  Perhaps that can be seen as cold but that is just the way I feel.

Making friends for me is very hard.  Not that I don’t know how.  I just think it takes a lot of work.  A lot of work that I intentionally do not choose to take upon myself.

I was originally going to title this one “Friend Recipe” since it was intended to be what I believe it takes to make and keep friends.  I changed it though because it implies a procedure as most recipes do.  This will not be any formula.  It is more like a list of rules you should follow to make and keep friends.  Since most social network websites keep “friends lists” I liked the play on words and decided to title it as such.

Now on to the list!
  • ·         Try to avoid discussing anything serious for more than 5 minutes.
  • ·         Never disagree with a friend’s religious beliefs.
  • ·         Never share your concerns about a friend’s bad habits.
  • ·         Never overstay your welcome.
  • ·         Try to avoid being the first to arrive when invited anywhere.
  • ·         Try to avoid being the last to leave when invited anywhere.
  • ·         Never ask for a favor and only accept help when they show genuine interest in helping.
  • ·         Avoid sharing your true opinions about your friend’s likes/dislikes unless you agree with them.
  • ·         Always pay for AT LEAST your portion of the meal or event +tip if you are out together.
  • ·         Never acknowledge that you know more about anything they do.
  • ·         If you leave an event early, never let them know if you are going to another event.
  • ·         Never try to gain favor with their friends and/or significant other.
  • ·         If your friend’s acquaintances start giving you more attention than they do your friend, leave.
  • ·         Aim to spend more on gifts to each other than they do but not by too much.
  • ·         Aim to spend less on gifts to a mutual friends and acquaintances than they do, again, not by much.
  • ·         Never brag or show pride in anything around them.
  • ·         Aim to maintain the same level of excitement they do towards anything.
  • ·         …and so on and so forth…

I’m sure by now you understand the relationship environment I’m creating here.  This is NOT to be taken as a set of commandments for all people and for all time.  It is a set of rules you could use to help build that early friendship into something stronger, much later in life.  Eventually, you will be able to share your true self but not until that time is right.

Many friendships fizzle because the rules are broken much too early.

Now you may be thinking, “That’s a pretty shallow person you are trying to make a friendship with.”  Well, we would be lying if we didn’t admit that we are each a little shallow in our own way.  These rules cover many of the bases and establish a vibe you could keep just to be safe.  You never know, that very shallow person could turn into a friend for life once you develop a bond.  That bond though doesn’t come easy and they should not be expected to carry the weight of all your baggage at once as soon as you meet.

What are your thoughts?  Any critical rules you would like to add?