Thursday, March 5, 2009

Just A Few Girls



Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be a Goodfeather...

Like your typical teenager, I had a terrible self esteem. There is so much to say about that but I don't really want to make this blog THAT personal or mushy.

I never really searched for old acquaintances from my old schools. In fact, not intentionally, I made it difficult for any of them to find me if they were so inclined to search. I never really thought anybody would.

Finally, I created an account somewhere with my real name. I NEVER do that. In my career field though it became very difficult to explain to potential employers why nothing could be found about me on the internet. What I do basically requires that you have some kind of traceable evidence.

Anyway, within a matter of days I started receiving friend requests. I kept thinking, "They must be confusing me with someone else." I would even ask them why they were adding me. It turns out many people knew me. I would never call myself popular, in fact I still don't think I was. Apparently though I was relatively well known. Liked? Perhaps not but known.

I didn't even have a lot of girlfriends or even dates. To this day, INCLUDING my wife I've had a total of 4 girlfriends. I never actively searched for relationships. They just kind of fell into my lap, so to speak. I was happy that way. I wasn't a go-getter. The whole idea repulsed me.

I didn't want to play that game. "Hey there, nice weather." "Can I buy you a drink?" MEH! Because of who I am, if I met a woman at a bar to begin with, I would be having doubts about her before she even spoke. I never had any respect for "the hunt."

I was happy even though I knew that the chance that I would find a significant other were slim. There was nothing I could do about that. After all, if she couldn't accept me the way I was then I wouldn't want to be with a person like that anyway. She wouldn't be right for me.

I went off on an odd tangent there but I need you to get an idea of how I felt about myself and who I was in regards to relationships and popularity.

Looking back upon my teenage years I see a dorky tactless loser. After having many conversations with old acquaintances they brought to light many things I had forgotten.

In my life I dated one of the most popular girls in school, a cheerleader, a drill team captain and I topped it off by marrying a freakin' Prom Queen!

I had never seen things this way until recently but it just sounds so odd when I say it like that. I don't feel "good" about myself for my "successes" but for a person with a low self esteem (still) it makes me feel...OK.

It is quite the mindfork to see yourself through others' eyes.

3 comments:

Iris said...

Wow! When you look at it that way...

It's amazing how people will describe you in a way that you never saw yourself; good and bad.

Sarah Jane said...

Wow, you hardly dated anyone but yet still got the most popular/successful ones of the population!

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i actually consider my husband to be my first and only real bf, those guys i dated in high school, they were just me being superficial and having some fun, nothing serious at all. but that's what high school is all about, isn't it? lesson learned.