Monday, November 21, 2011

Looking Back on Today, Tomorrow (12-21-06) 27 Reads

Current mood:worried

As time goes on, it gets harder and harder to meet up for lunch with my wife.  She makes a huge effort taking time from her duties and lunchtime plans and drives 90% of the way to meet me and I greatly appreciate it.  She is my best friend and after seeing her I am re-invigorated for the rest of the day and motivated to do well at work so I can assist in securing our future.

But today, this blog is not about my beloved wife.  It is a very difficult thing for me to talk about.  It is a very awkward thing for me to discuss.  It is about my beloved father.

The manly man.  The hard worker.  The sometimes rude but brutally honest head of our family.

In the early 70's he worked two full-time jobs as long as he could just to make ends meet.  We went from cramped apartments in Hollywood to a three bedroom home in the suburbs in just a few short years.  The hard work that had its benefits, also had some negative aspects.

Culminating in a drastic change that came from the reactions to a short assignment my older brother wrote in Elementary school.  He wrote that weekends were his favorite days of the week because that's when our father "came home."

He came home every day but we never saw him.  Our mother then pressed for him to quit his second job.
To this day, 30 years later, he works every single day on his feet in the back office with no air conditioning.  (Sometimes 7 days a week with no overtime pay.)   It might sound like an "up hill both ways" sob story but my wife and I have been there.  He's not exaggerating.

He comes home from work and works on the cars or in the yard.  You see him watch T.V. once in a while but he's never one to veg out even on the weekends.

What Inspired This Blog

A few months ago my wife and I met for lunch at a small fast food chain close to my job.  My dad works a few miles away and purely by coincidence we run into him there.  If you've ever been to California then you know there are literally thousands of places to eat in every city so the chances of this occurrence are slim.
It was a pleasant surprise.  All three of us sat together but really didn't talk much.  The men in my family are like that.  The entire time I just sat there bemused by the odd situation.  When I was in elementary school there was only one year when I saw my brother in the same school.  It seemed to me at the time that that was the way it was going to be from now on, but a few short years later it seemed strange that he had ever been there.

Now I was an adult.  I was working and eating lunch with my father who is also on lunch.  This doesn't happen often in life and when it does, it doesn't last long.

My father is nearing retirement and I know that no matter the quantity of years he has left in his life, they will be too few for me.  I see him coming and going with a power and drive in his stride that I could never hope to match even at my age.  I've had two grandparents pass away recently and it has left me in a very erratic and introspective state for a while now.

We were raised to be distant.  Emotional discussions are awkward and uncomfortable.  Showing affection is limited to quick, tight hugs with that face turned away, three back-pat and break! style.
I love my father for what he's done and who he is... but I could never tell him.

Lyrics to the song hopefully playing in the background: (Rough English Translation by me.)  (This was a MySpace blog that used to allow a lot of HTML freedom.  I actually had embedded music that would play automatically.  These were the lyrics to the song.)

Se van perdiendo en el tiempo mis años,
se van quedando muy lejos!
ya no me lleva mi padre la mano,
solamente sus consejos.

viven en mi los recuerdos de niño
cuando una estrella deceaba,
como recuerdo a mi padre!

que con esos sonreia mientras mi madre miraba.

años que vienen despacio,
primero con que lentitud avanzan.
como queria ser grande, recuerdo,
para no quedarme en casa.

y acompañar a mi padre muy lejos
talvez hasta el fin del mundo!
por que mi padre era fuerte,
era muy inteligente!
era mejor que ninguno!

hoy ya no quiero que pasen los años,
por que mi padre ya esta viejo.
se le han cubierto de arrugassus manos,
y de nieve sus cabellos!

oh! señor, deten el tiempo te pido!
por que tu puedes hacerlo!
por que yo en verdad no entiendo,
Dios mio!por que?
por que se nos va lo bueno?

cuando se cansen un dia tus pasos
yo quiero ser quien los cuide
mientras tanto dame el brazo
y vamos a ver aver que vas a decirme.
My years are being lost in time,
they are staying way behind.
My father no longer holds my hand (stays with me,)
only his advice.

My memories as a child live within me
when I would wish upon the sky (stars),
oh how I remember my father!
With those dreams my father smiled as my mother watched.

Years they come slowly,
how slowly they advance at first.
I wanted to grow quickly, I remember,
so I would no longer have to stay at home.

To acompany my father, very far
perhaps even to the ends of the Earth!
Because my father was so strong,
he was VERY intelligent!
He was better than any other!

But today I no longer wish for those years to pass quickly,
because my father is now old.
His hands have been covered in wrinkles,
his hair is white like snow.
Oh! Lord, slow time down, I plead you!
Only you can do it!
Because I just can't comprehend,
My God Why?
Why must we lose what is good?

One day when your steps become tiresome
I want to be the one to assist you
but for now, just lend me your arm
and lets see, lets see what things you have to tell me.


Apple Something: *sigh* I appreciate you writing this. The lyrics are so sad. This song reminds me of, what's that song called? Cats in the cradle and the silverspoon? You know what I mean.

I wish we could help you figure out how to go about this--I mean, don't you think there has got to be some secret code to break the spell? 4 years ago

Brother: GULP!! Tito give me some tissue... Jermaine, stop teasing.

Bring me water, deep.. blog.
i'm sure your dad knows you love him.. even though it's unsaid.

Wife  OMG. I love your dad. I can't post too much about this blog. But...I'm gonna sob.