Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Dangers of Coed Cubicles

I finally catch a break and escape to the lunch room. As I approach I hear a cacophony of voices. I figured it must be another useless birthday distraction.

Oh. That's why. I guess there is a new Office "hottie" and all the stupid horny men are all surrounding her. Even the suits were in the tiny little break room. (They never eat here.)

I have worked with her before and since been completely courteous. I happen to be luckily married to an office "hottie" myself so the presence of another is not that shocking or outstanding to me. Just for the record though, I did not give the one at my company this title. The way the "hunters" stalk her gave her that title.

To be honest, she's not my type. Short blond hair+waif=Meh. These old men though...seem to be starving. Not for lunch of course but maybe just a quick snack. (Fishtail?) As a younger man of 20 I would have felt angry for this girl. Why does she have to deal with that? I would feel a strange combination of disgust and pity for her. This time though I realized that I felt pretty different. Not exactly indifferent but more understanding of her situation.

My wife has helped me realize that some women like this sort of thing. They feed off of it and get as much of a thrill toying with men as men get fantasizing about them. That seems to cast a bad light on her but look at it this way. She COULD stop that quickly. Because she hasn't then she is welcoming it. My company looks down upon that sort of thing, QUICKLY. Even if someone else complains they will all get a warning and penalties would quickly follow.

As I stood there waiting for my food to warm up, (standing room only at OGLE-2000,) I overheard the gist of their conversation. Well, more like her conversation. They were all captivated by the intricate way she weaved her work stories. She cracked a joke and they all laughed. I wasn't really paying attention and that seemed to bother her.

Then she turned her attention towards me. greeeeaaaaat.

She says something to the other guys. I didn't hear the details. I was scrolling through tons of Facebook messages from a much more interesting photography group but it was something about "never talks" and "boring."

Just then one of the guys apologizes for having to go back to work, (fancy that!), gets up, says goodbye and enjoy your lunch only to her and leaves. Right away another dude takes his place in the chair. (He must have been waiting in line outside the lunch room.)

The new guy says, (he was pretty loud so I heard every word,) "I gotta joke for you" to one of his buddies. After a moments thought he adds, "But I'll tell you later, there's ladies in the room." Obvious bait for her curiosity.

Still reading my messages and without looking up I say, "HEY!" as if offended at the remark.

It took everyone a few seconds to recognize it as a joke but after she laughed all the stupid Viagro's aching to impress quickly jumped in. "Yeah hey!" they said all laughing and looking towards her for approval.


I grabbed my food, nodded to the joke-less jokester and walked out. I have learned that sometimes not giving people the attention they crave makes them desire it more which is why I threw them that bone of a social token. I figured that was a good compromise since I didn't have to direct my conversation at her directly nor did I ignore their presence completely luring them to believe I was playing coy.

Some women can be dangerous at work. So I put a LOT of though into the way I act around them. I have another story to tell. The most unbelievable of them all, but 100% completely true.

Next time.


ryan said...

hilarious! and i'd say you are far from boring... not many people can take photos, manage multiple online communities, write social/everything commentaries, and be happily married to an "office hottie". you've got game.

i liked your parting shot. poor guys didn't even know what hit them.

i have found that most of those girls who crave the office attention, wear gobs of makeup, and dress apparently in a children's closet with the lights off are often the least interesting people.

i like to go with that old proverb... "even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent." most of those silent people are pretty smart and interesting. the tricky part is gaining their trust and digging out their stories.

Anonymous said...

very much like this post, bravo! glad you like brunettes - blondes do NOT have more fun.
and glad your wife taught you there's women like that - too many of them actually. i think it's their own insecurities or something.
i have a 'friend' similar to that, she'd only date famous people, now she's married to a football player so right what she wanted I guess. And his ten year relationship/marriage and two kids with another woman did not stand in her way.
But it's nice to know that some guys don't let themselves fall into the 'stupid-trap' as I call it. :)

Sarah Jane said...

Aw, HL, you tease!

HektikLyfe said...

>Ryan: Well thank you so much for that. :) My ego is spilling onto the keyboard! ;)

I like that proverb. It sounds a lot like the one by Mark Twain I like so much.

>Vivienne: Yep, something about the contrast of dark hair on soft woman faces and features.

>Sarah: Glad you think so. Means you're interested. Actually its already all typed out and saved to post later. I like to spread them out so people don't get overwhelmed with too much at once.

HektikLyfe said...

You want a real tease? The title is Randy Cougar.

BridgetSmash. said...

haha women.
Work sounds interesting.
Maybe i can't wait until I set on my career! What a wonderful thing it is for your wife to have made you notice things.
Good people I must say.

on another note.

Do not fret fellow blogger I had no intentions on wanting my blogger to be private at all.
I just like writing in it and not care at all.
I've always appreciated your comments!
Very wise mind indeed.
So no worries, i'll keep writing and commenting!


HektikLyfe said...

>BridgetSmash: Well, sometimes its so boring you try hard to find things to find interesting. Oh OK. One of your last blogs kind of sounded like you wanted your blog to be private that's why I mentioned it.