(Let's see if THIS blog gets your asses talking.)
So I was thinking about a family member recently and how I believe he is only the latest victim of the vampiric nature of the female gender. I told you I was firing the first shot and what better way than to start it off with a bang?
About Bitches and Dogs
There are genuinely nice guys out there wouldn't you agree? You've met them. Cool calm and relatively passive. The real one's are rare but they are out there. The gentlemen. They exist. A lot of men are jerks, dogs and ignorant, I know this. I probably fall into a few of those categories myself. But I know that I have met men out there that are just down to earth good men.
There has not been a single woman that I met that is not capable of being a bitch. Not to everyone and not all the time but if the need arose, they could always turn that bitch-mode on. Recently that has become a badge of pride among the 20 and 30 something's. (I'm looking at you to the left, to the left.)
About Toilet Humor
It usually starts with the toilet bowl seat. I've been lucky never to have been forced to deal with a shallow woman that would argue this point but given the fact that this is a battle of the sexes blog, I am forced to cover the topic since it has become a staple of the war. "Put it down!" they screech.
Relationships are 50-50 right? I mean that is what women take after they leave so that defines the way relationship responsibilities should be divided am I wrong?
So men use restrooms (which ALWAYS have the seats down) lift the seat up, pee, wash their hands (hopefully) and leave the restroom. Women come into the restroom, find the toilet seat up and get mad because they have to put it down before using it. When they are done they wash their hands and leave the toilet seat down. So ideally, the argument for leaving the toilet seat down is so that you girls wouldn't have to do any work, yes? Even though gravity is helping you out a little since it is logically easier to put a toilet seat down than it is to lift it up.
Do women ALWAYS run into the restroom all emergency status and plomp their booties down on the seat without looking onto the freezing cold porcelain ring? To quote Seinfeld, "Is this what is happening?"
My advice to guys that have to deal with this situation as a "problem" in their relationship has been to just leave the seat down to begin with. Let her deal with the spitter splashies on the seat when she kerplomps her bombutt on the ring of relaxation.
Now to explain what I meant by vampiric. You hear the stories a lot. "Young sex-pot marries rich old geezer." I didn't have to specify which gender each of those was because you already knew. Sure men are dirty and sex crazed but look at it this way;
Men say, "Yeah I'm going to marry me a hot young thang." In essence, loving her for her looks, which she had nothing to do with being born with.
Women say, "Yeah I'm going to marry me a rich old man." In essence, loving him for all his hard work and money and taking it all away in a divorce or just waiting for him to die.
The art of human consumption is something I never expected women, the creators of life, to be the masters of.
Over 80% of the marriages in my close generation family have ended in a woman instigated divorce. Each one sucking the life and money out of their men when they leave.
They wait years planning, scheming, waiting for the perfect opportunity to act. They wait until they reach a point where they no longer believe their man has any more to give and they move on to the next best (richer) thing. Not all the family members I'm talking about are men either. There are a few B-vorce guilty women with whom I reluctantly share a bloodline.
The only marriages that have survived are marriages that have men that are passive. Men that just lay back and accept the women as they are and beg them to stay. The men who allow themselves to be changed and molded into whatever whim their partners hormones dictate on that particular day.
Men are from Mars, Women are straight outta Hell
Women jails are notoriously savage. Women fights are freakin' crazy. When women get mad everyone around them suffers the consequences, even innocent by-standers.
Women band together when it's against men but are quick to turn on each other and in a most brutal and hateful manner that guys wouldn't normally do. Most guys would fist fight it out and then laugh about it before their wounds even heal. Girls can't share a kitchen but they can share the hell out of a public bathroom.
Why is life this way? Here is what I think.
Instinct. Women for thousands of years have been trained to search for the strongest, most reliable provider. "He with the biggest cave gets the most Neanderthal pussy."
Men have also been trained.
Breast obsession. "She with the biggest milk sacks will provide the best sustenance to my offspring and she with the biggest butt will provide….ummm….whatever I just like big butts."
Why then aren't ALL women like this if what I say is true?
They are under control. They have learned or taught themselves to control their actions and emotions and witness the horrible acts of the women around them with open minded eyes. Just like all real men have learned to control their carnal instincts. (Until their women decide it is ok for them not to.)P.S. It is intentionally extreme. I am trying to get people to participate in my blogs since what I've written lately hasn't really gotten much attention. Perhaps this one will inspire you to comment.
Apple Something: Not extreme enough for me! Good start though, I mean, good first attempt at writing a more adventurous blog, I appreciate it. Would love to read more provocative stuff from you.
This is funny: and she with the biggest butt will provide….ummm….whatever I just like big butts.
I have never cared whether the turlet seat is up or down. I've really never worried about it since I actually turn on the light and look before I sit. I even take the time to clean the seat and, if need be, flush any pee that had been left in there by someone who didn't flush, all before I sit my butt down to do my business.
Its not fair that women divorcees get the better bargain most of the time. I'm not saying this is true for every divorce but you know it happens too often.
Okay about the toilet I got two brothers so the seat is sometimes down and sometimes up. Sometimes I wonder if they sit their but cheeks down and pee like a girl. Sometimes I assume the seat is down and fall into the toilet. That's pretty funny. I usually start giggling when that happens or get irritated but it doesn't piss me off to no end like maybe it might someone else.
About the guys and girls things for some things I didn't agree. But I've never been a good arguer. That's why I didn't become a lawyer. Every individual in this earth has the right to believe whatever they want to believe. But sometimes I think people can end up being bitter or they start putting everyone in categories and stereotypes due to their experiences. It's interesting to see later on in the future when someone is right or when something in life happens to prove them wrong. You never know what is going to happen in this life. Sometimes you get thrown some fastballs.
I've been analyzing males and females lately. The first part of the analysis girls and guys were on complete different extremes. Like I couldn't figure guys out. I thought they were just playing games. But then I remembered that girls can do the same thing. Like you are able to find the same type of behavior in both sexes. Recently I've been thinking that men and women are human beings and sometimes things in life just bring men and women down to the basics: providing food and shelter, surviving, and sometimes just really simply wanting to enjoy being in the presence of someone (MySpace neuter.)
Bring me water: ok.. i'm late but i'm here! that's what counts right?! hehehe
Bitches will be bitches and dogs will be dogs. Trained bitches and dogs are hard to find.
Oh god the toilet... We have fought about this before... but i see what you’re saying... Guys do have to pick it up to use it too.
About B-vorce: There are tons of gold digging people out there and yeah... Most of them are women.
LOL @ ummm….whatever I just like big butts."
I agree with this post. It’s sad but true. (The post)
Edyth:I went to try to read this on XXXXXXX page but apparently I'm not on his preferred list... What a snob. JK!!!
My favorite part was: "...whatever I just like big butts."
I couldn't agree more with the "Men are from Mars, Women are straight outta Hell." . Really... I can recall more than one occasion where I met a girl, knew absolutely nothing about her, and within the first two minutes of the night, decided I didn't like her. Sometimes it was my own bitchiness, sometimes I was merely responding to hers. I've NEVER had the same happen with a guy. All of my closest friends have ALWAYS been male... Until the day came when they got a girlfriend and *POOF* our friendship was over.
I was just thinking over the weekend about how CRAZY I am, I know it, I have just recently come to embrace it... And I know we ALL are, it's the ones who don't admit or acknowledge it that you have to worry about, those are the real sick ones. The "It's not me! It's everybody else!!" wack-jobs.
...I use to feel bad for Clint because of all the madness he had to put up with, until I realized he's a nut too... I mean, he MARRIED ME! He had to be pretty f*cked up in the head to get himself into this... So we're two happy little nuts in a nut jar just livin' it up. Loving each other's imperfections and recognizing our own.
Yeah, we bitches is crazy! But you guys LOOOOOOOVE us, and couldn't live without us! SO what does that make you?
To quote my darling husband: "I'm happy just knowing that you're going to be there, every day for the rest of our lives... To kick me in the balls when I walk in that front door."
|It goes both ways. Yes, women are wild creatures that do not always use the best judgement and have the possibility at all times to become volitile. (But men do too)As for the toilet seat, if I'm in a Man's house I leave it as I've found it. If I'm at a friend's house where both a Man and Woman reside....I leave as I found it. (usually it's down) Before a man get's all too self righteous with the toilet seat being down let's just remind each other that MEN spend splenty of time with the toilet seat DOWN---hence the reading material you take in there-- talk about unsanitary!|
B-vorce, it goes both ways. People generally as an instinct regress to Survival of the Fittest. For some the importance is on being physically or financially fit. It's hard to find a person that looks for a well rounded fit person (emotionally, physically, financially, intellectually, etc.) because they themselves have to be all of the above first. When you aren't balanced you tend to focus on one attribute that you fool yourself into thinking it will satisfy what you want.
The reason we don't all act on our crazy is because some of us recognize we have it....the potential to blow, hurt, fury and rage. I know I am crazy. I know I'm not always in control. I know I have no reason to cry and feel great but sometimes I tear up---why because I'm a chick-that's what we do. Instead of fighting it or trying to understand it, I just leave it be and trip out on it. Just like there are wonderful men out there that get taken advantage of or are treated poorly, there are plenty of women who have been scorned by thoughtless actions. In the end I think this blog could go towards men or women, the bottom line is we are all wacky cause we're humans. Humans are nuts.
Posted by St. Claire On Friday, February 09, 2007 at 11:26 PM
Mario loves Chava:
teach me!!! teach me what you know of women!! for u are wise in every aspect! lol damn hektik cracks me up!! the whole toilet bowl thing is just too funny! he knows quite a bit about the opposite sex. no offense hektikwyfe but i have to agree on all this "women ARE from Hell''. and that whole successful marriage by the man being laid back and accepting everything his girl does is so very true.Posted by Mario loves Chava On Friday, February 09, 2007 at 8:07 PM
(You always inspire long blog comments from me. I hope you don’t mind!)
The word bitch — originally used for the female members of the canid species, specially dogs — is more often employed in a figurative sense as an insult for a promiscuous woman, or a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, and/or mean person. Ouch!
I actually didn't find this offensive at all. Not in the slightest. (You worry because I’m female?) Anyway, it goes both ways, as you stated... women are bitches and men are dogs (aka assholes)... it's all relevant. Me, being a woman, will be the first to say that women are indeed CATS! They won’t hesitate to hiss and show their claws. TSSSSSSSSS… They can get real nasty with men, but even more so with other women. (Have you ever worked in an office with all women? I will NEVER again!) ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
I will also be the first to admit that I am a type A personality kind of girl and I know what I like and I know what I want. (Some might say “a bitch.”) By no means am I arrogant or over confident – that’s not my style, in fact, both are a peeve and turn-off of mine, in both men and women. But knowing what I like and what I want translates to = I do expect a lot from the people in my life and sadly, I am often left disappointed. The saying goes, “We do not give to receive” but I give a lot to those I love, and out of respect and love, I expect the same in return. Family, friends, I would do anything for the people I love and again, I would hope they feel the same about me. Not a bitchy thing to say, but I do see how it might sound it. I also expect a lot from the man that I am with, but I expect nothing less of myself in giving back, meaning, I love deeply. More than anything in this life, I love "love" and I love being in love, something that I did not experience until I was 30. I thought I was in love in the past, but I realize now, it was just love or just lust. My current love has everything to do with the man that is now in my life. “The genuinely nice guy” as you say… so yes... HE DOES EXIST! The nice guy - I've known them, I’ve dated them, I've loved them, but I now share my life with the best one of them all. (And not just because he doesn't leave the toilet seat up either!) ..:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /> As George Sand once wrote, "There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." AMEN. Bitch or not, every girl wants to love and be loved.
So all in all, sure, women are bitches - we all have that capability. All of us. How do I know that I can be a bitch? I've always said my weapon of choice is words. A bitch knows vocabulary and knows how to use it! Words hurt most, I know this, but I'm not a violent person, so I guess hurting with words doesn't seem as violent, despite the fact that words hurt and scar sometimes forever. Truth. Truth hurts too. With words and truth as my weapons, I guess I’m more of a psychological, intellectual bitch, if that makes sense. And please don't think I throw around harsh words or let my bitch side run free on a daily basis, I'm actually a good person; a nice person; a very loving and compassionate person. I love my family, I adore my friends and really, my mean streak comes out more as of a protection to both myself and those I love, if I feel threatened in any way. Taunt me, I'll ignore you. Provoke me, I'll ignore you. Lie to me, I’ll never let you forget it. Hurt me, and we’re done.
Now, as for divorce, I don't really have it in my family - but I've seen what it does to people and it sucks. And sure, we've all heard stories of women marrying for money or women taking a man for everything he's worth - but what about the men who marry for money, though maybe not as common, or the men who kill their wives to be with other women, or to make good on that ½ million dollar life insurance policy. Men are cruel too. It goes both ways - men, women... we're all humans, created by God, so in that regard we're on an equal playing level. It's how we choose to live our lives as people that separate us, regardless of sex. Men and women alike have good and evil – dogs, bitches, assholes, looking past it all and seeing the good in everyone, isn't that balance of life?
Anyway - good blog as always... a bit one-sided, but understandably so... you're not a female, so it's hard for you to write from that perspective. I'm not a male, and the same goes for me. But again, isn't that what makes life so great? Choose to surround yourself with people that inspire you and people that love you, regardless. Bitches, dogs, assholes of both sexes, it's just a bunch of nouns, look deeper and that’s what truly matters.
HektikLyfe: FANTASTIC response! About those men who kill for the money...Anna Nicole Smith. I have a feeling that lawyer had a lot to do with it and that's why he's fighting for custody of the child. The inheritance.
Oh and I'm not ashamed to admit that a large percentage of the male gender can also qualify as bitches.
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE how Jenny thinks!
Wow Jenny! I am so glad that I met you. You have a wonderful heart and mind.
HektikLyfe: I agree. I have much to learn from your optimism and way of thinking.
Wife: WW! Not one comment so far!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. This topic is so controversial. I think you should take it out of private and repost it. (This was the first and she posted it on her page and received all the comments above.)