Friday, April 16, 2010

A Contradiction in Pants

This is a blog I wrote last November but never published. To be completely honest I didn't find it that interesting. Now it is for you to decide.


I have no right to judge another but I will wonder. I am here at work working late with not much to do and I have nothing but that to keep my attention. I have nothing against those that are happily overweight but I must note that fact so you know my description is just that, a description.

I walk back at a leisurely pace from the restroom and every time I do I glance at the people in the cubicles I pass. Each cubicle has its own “limited” style that really says a lot about the individuals that reside in them. Mine for example is an absolute mess. I have at least 5 computers running at once, extra cables and connectors all over the place, multiple calendars, tutorials I am finalizing, floor maps on the walls and stacks of new computers. Your typical assortment of pens, markers and usual office “tools” also resides in my cubicle. At first glance it may screams “haphazard” but if you look closely, there is an order to the chaos. Items are placed perpendicular to each other, ordered and labeled by date and/or placed specifically by order of necessity. You could call it hectic. Busy and anal at the same time. Yep. That pretty much summarizes a part of me.

So lately I have noticed one particular individual. There is this overweight guy who barely fits into his cubicle. The cubicle is not that small, I’d estimate about 10’ X 10’. He’s just a big guy. The first time I noticed him I walked by really fast and he was staring into his Windows Media Player screen saver. If you don’t know what that is, it is a hypnotic LSD inspired barrage of colors that given the right motivation or history could induce seizures or at least flashbacks.

Anyway, I thought it was curious. I didn’t do anything about it since it wasn’t my place to do anything about it. (This time.) A few days later I walked by and caught him sniffing his finger. That’s never anything pleasant.

So as I walked by with a half disgusted but still smiling expression on my face I played back the images of the past few days and got to thinking that this man was quite the contradiction. He is not rare, in fact there are many like him but I’ve never given them much thought.

His cubicle is spotless as is his attire. His shirts in the few times I have notice have always been bright white colored suits, pressed with no creases. Papers have been stacked neatly on his desk and even the dry erase board had a grid drawn on it so the items he added were kept in order. This man was clean. He had hairy arms but his face was always clean shaven and his hair has always been cut trim. Very clean cut. How was he a contradiction?

Well men like him seem odd to me. They are overweight, heavily overweight and they still care about little details and appearance. No I don’t think all overweight people should be slobs or anything but this guy took it to the extreme. He was more annoying about organization than I was and cared so much about his appearance, but not his health. I don’t understand that. I really do believe some people react differently to different foods but to a point. You can get chunky with different metabolisms but not overweight like this man. I remember as a child knowing that men like this existed. My neighbor was one of them. Huge happy jolly belly that overlapped his belt but he was always well dressed and clean.

On the opposite side of the spectrum are the e-mo’s. They are skinny, young and pay a LOT of attention to their looks but instead make themselves look like dirty slobs.

Strange days.