Friday, May 30, 2008

I Don't Want To Start Any Blasphemous Rumors

...but I think that I have a sick sense of humor.

Its not intentional. I don't WANT to laugh at certain things. I just do. Sometimes I try really hard to control it but in those situations it usually makes me laugh even harder.

Bathroom Humor

I am fully aware that my previous post was childish. It wasn't even well written. I read the original article and these comments kept creeping into my head. They made me laugh. The kind of laughter that you can only enjoy when you are in a good mood.

We have a refridgerator at work that is only used by my direct coworkers. They thought it was funny to buy a magnetic alphabet for it. I thought it funny to spell offensive terms with said alphabet. It is especially funny to me when I put something there an no one notices for a long time. Then out of nowhere I hear, "What the hell is Fecal Gum?"

People falling or getting hurt. Immature, childish, all of the above. I can't stop. I feel bad but I can't stop laughing. I feel like a jerk but it is just so funny to me. So I am working unboxing some computer equipment and here a slip, slam and crack. I look over to the side and I see this lady sprawled out on the floor EXACTLY like this typical chalk outline.

She wasn't moving and just stayed still. Instead of running to help her I turn around and keep working to keep myself from laughing in her face. I know she was hurt but dude, how do you fall like that. She wasn't a grandma or anything. She was a healthy 40. To fall perfectly flat on the floor like that? She had to be in a rush. I'd look over casually to see if she would move or something, just to make sure she wasn't dead or anything, and I saw she was moving her arms slowly. Other people ran to her rescue so it was all good.

If I do a complete belly flop face plant onto concrete, I would really appreciate it if everyone were to ignore that anything happened unless I requested help.

I think I have always been this way. Some people think I am a asshole for it but I promise I don't mean to be. :)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Constipation Station

So I was waiting for someone's redundant data to transfer across the network and I found this article on MSNBC.

Apparently their space toilet is clogged up. That sucks! Actually, it doesn't, which is why it no longer works.

According to the NASA status report, "While using the toilet system...the crew heard a loud noise and the fan stopped working." Wow. I would either hate to be, or be really proud, to be that first Mexican astronaut to clog a space toilet.

I don't know who's bright idea it was to introduce Astronaut Enchiladas into the menu.

I thought long and hard, (much like the comet that killed the international space toilet) about what to title this blog. I couldn't decide between two so I just made up another as I was dropping this blog.

Really, how could you choose between; "Deep Shit in Deep Space" and "That's No Asteroid!!!" It's like choosing between two children you've given birth to.

Oh! I feel ten pounds lighter!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Computer Guy Modus Operandi

Countless times have I complained about interruptions while at work. People just don't seem to get it. If I am walking somewhere, my intention is to get there. I have no recreational purpose to get up and walk away from my desk. If I am walking somewhere and I am carrying something that makes it even more obvious.

You would think that wouldn't you?

Some people though, are so very dense. They don't seem to understand that a simple, "Oh by the way..." or a " that you are here..." aren't as delicate, tiny and unobtrusive as they think they are.

Usually we can resolve issues remotely with no need to get up from our desks. So if we are actually moving, then it is urgent.

Perhaps if I use more simple imagery that a user could understand it would sink in.

Think of me like an ambulance, not an ice cream truck. Feel free to stop the ice cream truck whenever you want. The ice cream truck drives around looking for customers. "Hey you over there, would you like a deliciously decadant artery clogging snack?" We PC guys don't walk around whistling with nothing to do but to ask everyone if there is anything we can do for them.

Don't EVER flag down an ambulance. When we are walking somewhere we ALWAYS have our lights and sirens on. You don't stand in front of a racing ambulance with your petty questions about your personal computer at home or why your work computer doesn't play FreeCell anymore. Let that simmer for a bit.

Now fill out a service request form, follow the rules given to you on the computer use policy you signed and let us do our job.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Vatican: "Jesus Christ Died for our Sins but not for E.T.'s."

So was Jesus Christ "Beamed Up?"

According to a statement recently released by Vatican Astronomer Father Gabriel Funes, this is not completely out of the realm of possibility.

Father Funes released an article titled, Aliens Are My Brother, in which he details a few different extraterrestrial scenarios as they relate to Christian theology.

More interestingly, he goes on to speculate that alien life could be "free from Original Sin."

For years I have been a proponent of the union between science and religion. Well, perhaps not union exactly, but at least an understanding that not all can be explained by math and not all inexplicable can be attributed to God. As the "Church" loses more and more lemmings/followers, I can only assume that they are slowly beginning to accept that change is inevitable. Unfortunately they feel they must go about things in these, odd, supernatural ways.

Gabriel Funes says, "mistakes were made, but it is time to turn the page and look towards the future. Science and religion need each other, and many astronomers believe in God..."

As rediculous and hypocritical (naturally) as it may seem, I am glad to see changes. In my life, I wouldn't have ever expected to see changes as dramatic as these. During our short time on this planet, we have seen the Vatican accept the possibility of the Big Bang theory, finally accept the likelihood of some type of human evolution and even extraterrestrial life!

Sidenote: The Vatican is actually organizing a conference next year to mark the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin, the author of the Origin of Species!

Religion isn't really known for its progress unless it is some type of bloody "cleansing," but I am glad to see the blinders come off, at least for a little while. There are so many people that need religion in their lives to keep them in line.

More Links: (BBC News, Mental Floss)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

MP3 Player for Cholo's

TEO MP-301

Digging through some old Engadget articles, this interesting MP3 player crossed my path. IceTech USA sells this product for $49. It has 1GB of storage, a built-in mic with inevitable voice recorder and speaker! Now if only it came with a voice changer! Oh the blasphemous fun to be had!